Lesson 43: Argument Essay: Edit like a Proofreader

Introduce the concept of unclear sentence actors by analyzing examples with misplaced modifiers.

• Say: In Lesson 42, we worked on transitions so our arguments would connect smoothly. Today, we are tightening another part of our final draft by checking that every sentence clearly shows who is doing the action.

Read these two sentences:

• Running to catch the bus, the doors closed in my face.

• Rushing to finish the test, the bell rang before I could check my answers.

Keep students with nearby partners. The goal is for students to hear how sentence confusion can happen when the actor is missing.

Turn and Talk

Say these Directions: Read both sentences quietly. Then turn to your partner and tell what the sentence is literally saying and who is performing the action in this sentence.

• Ask: What is wrong with these sentences? Who is actually doing the action?

  • In the first sentence, it sounds like the doors were running, which does not make sense. The person saying the sentence is the one running to catch the bus.

  • In the second sentence, it sounds like the bell was rushing to finish the test. The student is the one rushing.

• Say: Partner A, share first. Partner B, add on or disagree respectfully. You have 1 minute.

Connection to Today’s Learning

• Say: Today, we are going to learn the name for this sentence problem and use a quick check that helps us fix it in our own argument writing.

Guide students in identifying and correcting dangling modifiers by focusing on clear actor-action relationships.

Language Study

Say these Directions: The actor-action relationship refers to the active voice and the clarity of a text. The “actor” is the subject, or who is performing the action in the sentence, and the “action” is the verb, or what is being done.

• Say: Read these two sentences and examine their structure:

  • Trying to buy a better home, the houses cost twice as much.

  • Trying to buy a better home, the Younger family finds that the houses cost twice as much.

• Say: A modifier is a word or phrase that adds description. A dangling modifier happens when the describing word or phrase is not attached to (or closest to) the right person or thing. Our fast fix is to ask, “Who is doing this action?” Then we place that actor right after the opening phrase describing that subject.

Teach: Finding and Fixing a Dangling Modifier

• Say: I am going to test the first revised sentence like an editor. I read the opening phrase, “Trying to buy a better home,” and then I look right after the comma. The next words are “the houses,” so the sentence accidentally makes it sound like the houses are trying. That is the dangling part, because the description is hanging there without the right actor.

• Say: Now I ask, “Who is really trying to buy a better home?” In this scene, it is the Younger family. So I fix the sentence by putting the actor right after the comma: “Trying to buy a better home, the Younger family finds that the houses cost twice as much.” That new version sounds clearer and more formal because the description matches the right subject.

• Ask: In the corrected version, what words fix the problem?

  • The words “the Younger family” fix the problem because they tell who is actually trying to buy a better home.

• Say: Here is a sequence to check: opening phrase, comma, actor. If the actor after the comma is not really doing the action, the modifier is dangling.

Connection to Today’s Learning

• Say: Students are ready to practice the editing move on several sentences before applying it to their own drafts.

Part A: Fix the Practice Sentences (L.7.2) (15 minutes)

Keep partners together. Students should rewrite the corrected sentences on journal paper or in the Student Edition.

Think-Pair-Write-Share

Say these Directions: We are going to practice editing before we touch our real drafts. For each sentence, underline the opening phrase, circle the noun right after the comma, and decide whether that noun is actually doing the action. If not, rewrite the sentence so the right actor comes right after the comma.

Teach: Revising One Practice Sentence

• Say: Watch me with one practice sentence: “When trying to make neighborhoods more equitable, affordable housing policies should be given stronger funding.”

• Say: First, I underline the opening phrase.

• Say: Then I look after the comma, and I see “affordable housing policies.”

• Say: Policies are not trying to make neighborhoods more equitable; people are. So I ask, “Who is actually trying to make neighborhoods more equitable?” A better actor might be “city leaders.”

• Say: I revise the sentence to say: “When trying to make neighborhoods more equitable, city leaders should give affordable housing policies stronger funding.”

• Say: Now the sentence is clear, and the opening phrase points to the right actor.

Display the practice sentences and directions:

Say These Directions: Choose one sentence from the set. What is the opening phrase? Who should come after it, and how would you revise it? Then, revise all four sentences with your partner and choose one sentence to share with the class.

1. After studying redlining, the policies of housing discrimination became easier to explain.

2. Worried about missing work, the bus schedule made commuting harder for many families.

3. While responding to the counterclaim, stronger evidence was added to my draft.

4. Hoping to improve graduation rates, more counselors were added at the school.

   • In sentence 1, the opening phrase is “After studying redlining.” The policies are not studying redlining, so the actor should be “we” or “students.” I would revise it to “After studying redlining, we could explain policies of housing discrimination more clearly.”

   • In sentence 2, the opening phrase is “Worried about missing work.” The bus schedule is not worried, so the actor should be “many families.” I would revise it to “Worried about missing work, many families found that the bus schedule made commuting harder.”

   • In sentence 3, the phrase is “While responding to the counterclaim.” Evidence is not responding, so the actor should be “I.” I would revise it to “While responding to the counterclaim, I added stronger evidence to my draft.”

Connection to Today’s Learning

• Say: Now that students have practiced on sample sentences, they can proofread their own drafts for the same issue.

Part B: Edit Your Own Draft Like a Proofreader (W.7.1.d) (15 minutes)

Students work independently first, then briefly check one revision with a partner. Circulate with fast coaching on formal tone and sentence clarity.

Checklist Reviews

Say these Directions: Go back to your current research argument draft. Hunt for one to three sentences that begin with an opening descriptive phrase, especially sentences in your counterclaim, rebuttal, or conclusion. For each one, ask: “Who is doing this action?” Is that actor right after the comma? If not, revise it.

Display this editing checklist:

• Did I underline the opening phrase?

• Did I check the noun right after the comma?

• Does that noun actually do the action in the phrase?

• Did I keep a comma after the opening phrase?

• Does the revised sentence sound formal and clear in my argument?

Teach: Revising a Sentence from a Draft

Model revising a sentence to correct a dangling modifier by writing or displaying the model sentence.

• Say: Here is a sentence from a model argument draft:“When trying to fix hiring inequality, more apprenticeships should be funded statewide.”

• Say: I can tell this sentence dangles because “more apprenticeships” are not trying to fix anything.

• Say: I ask who is actually doing the action, and the answer might be “state lawmakers” or “the state.”

• Say: So I revise it to “When trying to fix hiring inequality, state lawmakers should fund more apprenticeships statewide.”

• Say: Then I reread the sentence to make sure the comma is in place and the tone still sounds formal.

• Say: This kind of edit matters because readers trust an argument more when the sentences are precise. Small sentence fixes can make a big difference in how strong the whole essay sounds.

• Ask: Which sentence did you revise, and how does the revision improve your argument’s formal style?

  • I revised my sentence from “When trying to lower housing costs, stronger rent policies are needed” to “When trying to lower housing costs, city leaders should adopt stronger rent policies.” The revision improves formal style because it clearly names who should take action instead of leaving the sentence vague.

Connection to Today’s Learning

• Say: Students have now moved from noticing sentence confusion to fixing it in the exact writing that will appear in their performance task.

Scoring Rubric

Consult the Rubric on the Second Page of the Performance Task Handout

Have students analyze a sentence from their draft to check for dangling modifiers.

• Say: Today, we tightened one small but powerful part of argument writing. For the performance task, readers need to trust that our sentences are clear, formal, and precise when we argue about fairness and opportunity. This editing move helps us sound more like careful advocates and less like rushed drafters.

Quick Write

Say these Directions: Copy one sentence from your draft that begins with a descriptive phrase. Underline the opening phrase, and circle the noun right after the comma. Then write one or two sentences explaining whether the sentence is dangling and how you know.

• Ask: Write one sentence from your draft that begins with a descriptive phrase. Is it dangling? How do you know?

  • “When trying to improve school attendance, our district should provide free bus passes to students in neighborhoods with limited transportation.” This sentence is not dangling because the phrase “When trying to improve school attendance” is followed by “our district,” which is the actor that can actually take that action. The comma is also in the correct place after the opening phrase.

• Ask: Which question helped you most today: “Who is doing the action?” or “What noun comes right after the comma?”

  • “Who is doing the action?” helped me most because it made the sentence logic easy to test.

  • “What noun comes right after the comma?” helped me most because it showed me exactly where to look.

Instruct students to reread their current essay draft. Students should complete the following:

• Find one more sentence that begins with an opening phrase. Underline the phrase, and check that the correct actor comes right after the comma.

• If it is dangling, revise it in your Journal.