Lesson 42: Literary Analysis and Original Poem: Essay Peer Review and Revision

Have students take out their draft and revision plans. The purpose of this activity is to help students enter peer review with a clear goal instead of waiting for a partner to decide what needs work.

Checklist Reviews

• Say: In Lesson 40, we built literary analysis drafts by separating description from analysis and planning a clear thesis, evidence, and commentary. Today, we are using that work to identify where our writing already explains meaning, and where we need a partner to push our thinking further. This matters because your performance task asks you to do more than point out an image or symbol; it asks you to explain what that image or symbol reveals.

Say these Directions: Reread your draft and your revision notes from the previous lesson. Find one strength, and one area where you need additional support. As you review your draft, pay special attention to your commentary. Does it explain what the image or symbol accomplishes? Does it explain why the image or symbol offers strong evidence, not just what it says?

• Ask: Which part of your draft feels strongest right now, and which part do you want help pushing further?

  • My commentary is strongest when I explain that the word "unfurl" shows Reha isn't just wanting a different hairstyle; she wants to finally take up space as her whole self. I need help pushing further because I say she feels held back by her cultural identity, but I don't fully explain how that tension affects her sense of belonging in American life.

Connection to Today's Learning:

• Say: Your notes will help you ask for partner feedback that is specific and useful. Today’s revisions will move your draft closer toward final performance task submission.

Use this mini-lesson to show the difference between commentary and analysis. Students will need a strong shared model before they exchange drafts.

Language Study

Say these Directions: We are going to study four lines from a poem and then study two examples of commentary. Our goal is to notice the difference between naming the image and explaining what that image does for the poem’s meaning.

Display “Please” on page 137 and direct students to read this line:

Target Lines:

“Suddenly, I can't stand the smell of the hospital,

the dry, dead air,

the sound of the breathing machine,

the feel of my own skin”

Review: Coordinate Adjectives

• Say: Look at the phrase the dead, dry air.

• Ask: Why is there a comma between dead and dry?

• Because these two adjectives EQUALLY modify air.

There are two tests to check if multiple adjectives need a comma:

• Test 1: Can you swap them?.

• Test 2: Can you insert and between them?

• If both tests pass, the adjectives are coordinate adjectives that need a comma.

• If either test fails, no comma.

Say these Directions: Look at your literary analysis draft. Find or write 1 sentence that uses two adjectives before a noun. Apply the swap test and the and test to decide whether each pair needs a comma. Be ready to explain your decision.

Commentary or Analysis?

Display the following comparison for students:

Commentary Sentence 1: This shows Reha is uncomfortable in the hospital.

Commentary Sentence 2: LaRocca's imagery of "dry" and "dead" air and mechanical sounds makes the hospital feel lifeless and cold, revealing that Reha experiences it not as a place of healing but as something deeply unnatural and frightening.

• Ask: Which sentence (1 or 2) explains how the imagery works, and what words make it stronger?

  • The stronger sentence is the second one because it explains what the imagery actually does, not just how Reha feels. Words like "lifeless" and "deeply unnatural" show the effect of details like "dead air" and the mechanical sounds, instead of just saying she is uncomfortable, it explains why those specific images make the hospital feel so frightening to her.

Teach: Moving from Restating to Explaining Effect

• Say: When I write commentary, I have to do more than repeat the image in regular words. If I write, "This shows Reha is uncomfortable in the hospital," I am only restating the line. A stronger comment would be: "LaRocca's imagery of 'dry' and 'dead' air and mechanical sounds makes the hospital feel lifeless and cold, revealing that Reha experiences it not as a place of healing but as something deeply unnatural and frightening."

• Say: Notice how the second sentence explains what the imagery does and what it reveals about Reha, not just what it says. It also uses a precise verb (revealing) instead of a vague word like shows.

Connection to Today's Learning:

• Say: Now that you understand the difference between restating and analyzing, you are ready to give peer feedback that will help your partner revise and strengthen their commentary.

Part A: Peer Review for Stronger Commentary (W.7.5) (12 minutes)

Pair students strategically so each writer receives feedback from a partner who can read attentively and speak respectfully. Remind students that peer review should comment on the writing, not judge the topic or emotional content. As you give feedback, also consider whether the image itself is a strong piece of evidence—does it repeat, connect across moments, or carry central meaning?

Rehearse and Refine

Say these Directions: Exchange drafts with your partner. Read your partner’s draft, focusing only on the quality and clarity of the commentary. Identify one place where the writer clearly explains the effect of the image or symbol and one place where they need to go further. Use the checklist from Lesson 40 to guide your feedback.

• Ask: Where does the analysis explain how the imagery or symbolism works rather than just what it is?

  • • The sentence that explains the “dry, dead air” works because it shows how the setting feels lifeless and connects to fear, not just what the hospital is like.

  • The line after the quote moves beyond description because it explains that the image makes the illness feel personal, not just medical.

• Ask: Where does the commentary feel thin, and where do you want the writer to push further?

  • • The sentence that says “This shows the hospital is scary” feels thin because it does not explain how the imagery creates that feeling or what it reveals about Reha.

  • I would ask the writer to push further after the quote by explaining what the symbol of blood reveals about family connection and loss.

Teach: Giving Feedback That Pushes the Writing

• Say: Watch how I give feedback that is specific and useful. Instead of saying, "This is good," I point to the exact sentence and name the strength: "This sentence explains the effect because it says the imagery makes the hospital feel like the opposite of life itself." Then I add one clear push: "Your next sentence says this shows Reha is scared, but it could go further by explaining why that fear matters—specifically, what it means for a girl who has always believed medicine is something that saves people."

• Say: Helpful feedback names one place where the analysis is working and one place where the writer can deepen it. If I keep my feedback tied to a sentence, the writer knows exactly what to revise. That makes peer review about growth, not just opinion.

Part B: Finish and Refine the Full Draft (W.7.4, L.7.1.c) (18 minutes)

Students now revise and finish the draft they began in Lesson 40. Keep the structure of the body paragraphs visible: thesis, evidence, commentary.

Modeled Writing

Say these Directions: Use your partner's feedback to revise and strengthen your draft in your journal. Focus especially on your commentary. Make sure your paragraph includes a thesis, at least one specific image or symbol as evidence, and commentary that explains what the image does and what it reveals about Reha. Use at least one precise verb (such as emphasizes, reveals, or complicates) and a connector like because or which shows. As you draft, check your work for these three things:

• Did I name what the poem does and how?

• Did I cite one specific image or symbol?

• Did I explain what the image or symbol does and what it reveals using a precise verb and a logical connector like because, so, or if?

Teacher Guidance: Support Student Self-Assessment and Revision

• As students begin revising, direct them to pause and briefly self-assess which aspect of their draft is currently the strongest and which still needs the most attention.

• Encourage students to name one short-term revision goal they can complete during this work time, such as adding clearer cause-and-effect transitions in one body paragraph or revising two informal phrases into formal academic language.

• When conferring, avoid immediately naming the revision for students. First ask these two questions: What are you noticing in your own writing right now? Which category should you work on next? This supports students in taking responsibility for identifying their own next steps.

• Reinforce growth by helping students compare the current draft to an earlier version and name a specific improvement they have already made. This helps students see revision as progress they can monitor, not just correction from the teacher.

• Ask: What is one exact sentence you will revise today to make your commentary more precise?

  • I am revising the sentence "This shows Reha wants to be free" to "By describing hair trapped in a ponytail and braid, LaRocca uses imagery to reveal Reha's longing to belong freely in American life. This shows that what she wants isn't just a different look; it's a different kind of existence." The new sentences are more precise because they explain what the imagery does and what it reveals about Reha instead of just naming how she feels.

Note this progression from thesis to evidence to commentary:

Thesis:

The poem "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" uses the symbol of confined hair to reveal how Reha longs to belong freely in American life, even as her cultural identity holds her in place.

Evidence:

In the line where Reha says, "I want to free my hair from this ponytail, this braid, / toss it over my shoulders / to unfurl in curly glory" (pp. 3)

Commentary:

LaRocca's imagery of bound, controlled hair reveals that Reha doesn't just want to look different; she wants to finally take up space as her whole self.

Teach: Using Feedback to Finish the Draft

• Say: As I revise, I check that every part of my paragraph has a job. My thesis should say what the poem does and how. My evidence should name the exact image or symbol I am analyzing. My commentary should not stop at "this shows" because the real work is explaining what that imagery reveals about Reha and belonging in the poem. If one sentence feels vague, I can strengthen it with a more precise verb and a clause that explains cause or significance. When the pieces work together, my paragraph sounds clear, connected, and thoughtful.

Scoring Rubric

The Performance Task Rubric is located on the second page of the Performance Task Handout

Students reflect on their editing work in this lesson using the Quick Write routine.

Quick Write

Say these Directions: Take a moment to reflect on your editing work, then write a brief response that answers the following prompts.

• Ask: What is one revision you made in your final editing pass, and how does it make your analysis clearer by explaining what the image or symbol accomplishes? Include the original wording and the revised wording.

  • I changed "This shows Reha wants to be free" to "By describing hair trapped in a ponytail and braid, LaRocca uses imagery to reveal Reha's longing to belong freely in American life." My analysis is clearer now because the revised sentence explains what the imagery does and what it reveals about Reha rather than just naming how she feels.

• Say: Today’s final edit is part of the same work you will do for your unit performance task. Strong literary analysis does not stop at choosing evidence; it helps the reader understand why that evidence matters. The precise verbs and connected sentences you practiced today will make your final essay clearer and stronger.

• Ask: Which precise verb or sentence move helped you explain what the image accomplishes most clearly today?

  • The verb intensifies helped me most because it pushed me to explain what the image does instead of just saying the poem shows something.

Instruct students to finish any remaining revisions to their literary analysis drafts.