Lesson 45: Argument Essay, Revising and Editing

Students discuss the status of their argument essays and what they still need to revise during today’s lesson.

Turn and Talk

Say these Directions: Today is your final day to revise and polish your argument essay before submission. Your goal is to make your writing as clear, precise, and convincing as possible while making sure it is free of grammatical errors.

Tell students to take out the drafts of their argument essays. Instruct students to Turn and Talk with a partner about the following questions.

Display the following questions for partners to discuss.

• Which area of your essay do you need to improve most? What is one specific change you need to make?

  • I need to improve my reasoning because I explain what happens but not why it matters.

  • I need better transitions because my ideas feel disconnected.

  • I need to make my writing more formal and integrate vocabulary from the unit to make my writing clearer.

Connection to Today’s Learning

• Say: Today, you will focus your essay revision on your weakest area while also making final grammatical and conventional improvements across your essay.

Mini-Lesson: Editing for Standard English Conventions

• Say: Today, in addition to any final content revisions you want to make, you are editing to make sure your essay follows the conventions of Standard English.

Display and read aloud the final editing priorities for the essay:

• Punctuation for Pauses or Breaks

  • Use a comma to mark a brief pause and to set off introductory words or phrases.

  • Use a dash to show a stronger break or shift in thought.

• Ellipses in Quotations

  • Use an ellipsis to show that words have been omitted from a quotation.

• Correct Spelling

  • Check unit vocabulary, names, and words you often misspell.

  • Reread slowly to catch errors your eyes may skip.

• Say: Let’s look at how editing helps a sentence sound correct and clear.

Display the following examples and have students read over them.

Example #1

• Before Editing: In Animal Farm after the pigs change the rules the other animals feel confused.

• After Editing: In Animal Farm, after the pigs change the rules, the other animals feel confused.

Example #2

• Before Editing: Squealer sounds convincing his words hide the truth.

• After Editing: Squealer sounds convincing—his words hide the truth.

Example #3

• Before Editing: Orwell shows that the animals were "worked like slaves and received almost no food at all."

• After Editing: Orwell shows that the animals were "worked like slaves ... and received almost no food at all."

Example #4

• Before Editing: Napoleon uses propaganda to control the farm.

• After Editing: Napoleon uses propaganda to control the farm.

Turn and Talk

Instruct students to Turn and Talk with a partner about the following question:

• Ask: What changed in these examples, and why were those grammatical changes made?

  • In example #1, the commas added a pause and made the first sentence easier to read.

  • In example #2, the dash showed a stronger break between two connected ideas.

  • In example #3, the ellipsis showed that some words were left out of the quotation.

  • In example #4, the spelling corrections made the writing more accurate and formal.

• Say: Strong editing involves:

  • adding commas where a reader needs a pause

  • using dashes to show breaks in thought

  • using ellipses when shortening quotations

  • correcting spelling for clarity and accuracy, especially for unit vocabulary and textual evidence

Instruct students to Turn-and-Talk about the following question:

Say these Directions: Which of these editing moves will help improve your essay? Name one sentence or quotation you plan to edit.

• A dash will help me fix one long sentence in my conclusion because two ideas are running together.

• I need to add an ellipsis in one quotation because I cut out words but did not show that.

• I am going to reread and check for spelling because I think I misspelled Napoleon in my body paragraph.

Say these Directions: As you edit today, focus on sentence-level correctness and clarity. It is always a good idea to reread your essay after you edit it. This helps ensure that it is easy to read and that you have not introduced new errors.

Edit and Polish Your Essay (W.8.1.a-e, W.8.4, W.8.5, W.8.10, L.8.2.a-c, L.8.6) (30 minutes)

Students complete their argumentative essays by making final revisions and edits to their writing.

Tell students to take out their essay drafts.

• Say: You will now complete the final revision and editing of your argument essay. Your goal is to make your writing clear, well-supported, and polished for submission.

Direct students to use the Performance Task Rubric as a checklist, not just a reference. Encourage them to actively check off what they have already done well and identify what still needs revision. Remind the students to read slowly and check each sentence for commas, dashes, and ellipses in shortened quotations, and correct spelling.

Students revise and edit their essays independently for the full 30 minutes, using:

• their draft essays

• The Performance Task rubric

• any other unit support, including notes, journals, texts, etc.

Self-Assessment and Reflection

• Say: Before finalizing and submitting, use the rubric to evaluate your work. Identify one category where your essay is strong and one category that still needs improvement.

Provide students with time to review the Performance Task Rubric and make final revisions and edits to their essay.

• Say: Use the Performance Task Rubric to check your work before you submit. Ask yourself: Does my argument essay meet the Proficient description in every row?

Argument Essay Exemplar

The animals’ revolution in Animal Farm begins with ideals of equality and freedom from human tyranny. However, as the revolution progresses, those ideals break down. Ultimately, the revolution betrays these ideals when Napoleon seizes power and uses manipulation, scapegoating, and fear tactics to destroy the original ideals. This leads to a total corruption of the revolution’s original ideals, resulting in the pigs becoming the masters of the other animals instead of the animals enjoying equality and freedom.

Napoleon’s coup and Snowball’s expulsion from the farm are early examples of the revolutionary ideals faltering. As Napoleon takes control, he starts engaging in trade with humans. This is a violation of the commandment “Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy” (30). He manipulates the animals into working harder because the “needs of the windmill must override everything else” (p. 30). Napoleon uses Squealer’s persuasive language to appeal to the animals’ emotions and idealism. Squealer says that Napoleon “intended to take the whole burden upon his shoulders.” This makes it seem like Napoleon has to do so much work with the solicitor, Mr. Whymper (p. 64). And Squealer continues to make excuses for Napoleon and the pigs receiving more food because of all the “brainwork” they have to do (p. 67). These examples show that Napoleon and Squealer start chipping away at the animals’ freedoms right after the coup with their manipulation tactics.

As Napoleon’s leadership progresses, he uses scapegoating to secure his power. As the animals continue to work with the fear of starving staring “them in the face,” Squealer and Napoleon create a scapegoat out of Snowball to keep the animals fearful and in line (p. 74). They blame Snowball for the windmill’s destruction in Chapter VI. They say he has been “in league with Jones from the very start!” (p. 79). Squealer manipulates the animals’ memories about the Battle of the Cowshed by rewriting the actual events so that Napoleon is “heroic” and Snowball a “traitor” (p. 81). Napoleon and Squealer use scapegoating to influence the animals’ beliefs so that Napoleon can gain more power and destroy the equality the animals experienced at the beginning of the revolution.

Napoleon’s use of fear and intimidation against the other animals is what corrupts the remaining ideals of the revolution. In Chapter VII, several innocent animals confess to crimes they did not commit. Napoleon has them executed by tearing “their throats out” (p. 84). These actions violate the commandment “No animal shall kill any other animal” and show how much power Napoleon has over the animals (p. 24). Additionally, Napoleon, the dogs, and the pigs take over the farmhouse and start drinking alcohol. These are all violations of the original revolutionary commandments. Toward the end, the pigs are walking on two legs and carrying “whips in their trotters” (p. 135). With these final actions, the pigs show that they are now the masters of the other animals, demonstrating that the revolutionary ideals of equality and freedom are gone. The rewritten commandment “All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others” captures how the revolution’s ideal of equality for all animals is ultimately corrupted (p. 134).

Some might argue that the animals go along with the changes on the farm, so some ideals are still preserved. Others might say that the animals are still free from human authority since animals are running the farm. However, at the end of the novel, Napoleon is friendly with the neighboring farmers as he invites them to do a “tour of inspection” (p. 135). He also changes the name of the farm back to “Manor Farm” (p. 140). In the end, the revolution’s ideals are betrayed because the animals do not experience equality and freedom from tyranny. Instead, they do “more work” and receive “less food” than other animals in the area (p. 137). Through Napoleon’s consolidation of power and the use of manipulation and scapegoating with Squealer’s help, the revolution’s ideals are destroyed.

Provide students with a confidence continuum (i.e., 1–5). As needed, model how to demonstrate a level of confidence using the continuum.

Turn and Talk

Say these Directions: Reflect on your learning from this unit. Discuss the following with a partner:

• What are some key takeaways you have learned from this unit?

• What do you want to know more about?