Lesson 43: Argument Essay, Revising for Cohesion, Formal Style, and Clarity

Students discuss the differences between formal and informal writing.

Turn and Talk

• Say: Today, you will revise your argument essay to improve formal style and clarity, and to integrate the vocabulary you have learned throughout the unit. Strong arguments are not only about ideas; they are also about how clearly and formally those ideas are expressed.

Display the following questions. Instruct students to turn and talk with a partner about the questions.

Say these Directions: Talk to your partner about the following questions.

• What is one difference between formal and informal writing?

  • Formal writing avoids slang and uses precise language.

  • Informal writing sounds conversational.

• Where might you use formal writing? Where might you use informal writing?

  • Formal: essays, emails to teachers, applications

  • Informal: messages to friends, personal notes

• Which writing style is appropriate for an argument essay—formal or informal? Why?

  • Formal, because it sounds more serious and makes the argument more credible

• Say: Now, think about your own essay. Does it sound clear, formal, and easy to follow throughout? Today, your goal is to revise your writing so it sounds more precise, more formal, and easier to follow.

Connection to Today’s Learning

• Say: You will revise your essay by replacing informal language with formal, precise wording, improving sentence clarity, and strengthening how your ideas connect.

Mini-Lesson: Revising for Cohesion Using Effective Transitions

Think Aloud Modeling

• Say: Transitions help connect ideas in writing, but simply adding them is not enough. Strong writers choose transitions that clearly show the relationship between ideas and improve the flow of their argument.

Display and read aloud the following example sentences.

The pigs control the animals. They use fear. The animals do not question them. The revolution fails.

• Ask: What is unclear or weak about this writing?

  • The ideas feel disconnected.

  • There is no clear relationship between the ideas in the separate sentences.

  • It reads repetitive and basic.

• Say: Watch how I revise this part of my essay. I’m thinking about how ideas are connected and how to put them together.

Show students how to combine related ideas by combining sentences. Write the following for students.

Separate Ideas: The pigs control the animals. They use fear.

Combined Ideas: The pigs control the animals by using fear.

• Say: Next, watch how I add a cause-and-effect relationship to connect my ideas.

The pigs control the animals by using fear. The animals do not question them.

The pigs control the animals by using fear. As a result, the animals do not question the pigs’ authority.

• Say: I add an outcome that is clearly connected to my claim by using a transition word.

  • The revolution fails.

  • Therefore, the revolution ultimately fails.

Display the final version of the combined ideas and ask students to read through the model.

The pigs control the animals by using fear. As a result, the animals do not question the pigs’ authority. Therefore, the revolution ultimately fails.

• Ask: What did I do to make my writing more cohesive and clear?

Guide students to identify:

• Combined short sentences

• Selected transitions based on relationships between ideas (cause → result)

• Embedded transitions inside sentences (not always at the start)

• Clarification of how ideas connect logically

• Say: In your essay, you should:

  • connect evidence to reasoning using cause-and-effect transitions

  • show contrast when ideas oppose each other

  • avoid listing ideas without explaining relationships

• Say: Stronger transitions help your writing sound more formal and precise. Instead of short, disconnected sentences, combine ideas logically.

Display and read aloud the following example sentence.

This shows the revolution is bad.

• Ask: What makes this concluding sentence weak or informal?

  • The sentence is vague.

  • The sentence does not connect clearly to the argument.

  • The sentence does not sound formal and does not use vocabulary we have been taught throughout the unit.

Display and model the following revision:

Therefore, Orwell suggests that the revolution ultimately betrays its ideals because fear and manipulation replace equality and freedom.

• Say: A strong concluding sentence does not just repeat the paragraph. It reinforces the paragraph’s main idea in clear, formal language and reconnects to the essay’s claim.

Part A: Revising Your Essay (W.8.1.a-e, W.8.5, L.8.6) (20 minutes)

Students revise their argument essay, focusing on cohesion, formal style, and integrating vocabulary learned throughout the unit.

Instruct students to take out the drafts of their essays. Tell students to review Animal Farm and any additional sources they cited so they can check that quotations, evidence, and explanations remain accurate and clearly connected to their claim during revision.

Say these Directions: Today, you are not rewriting your essay—you are revising it to improve how clearly your ideas connect (transitions) and how formal and precise your writing sounds (style). You are also going to integrate the vocabulary we have learned throughout the unit to strengthen your ideas and add to the formality of your writing.

Provide the following step-by-step revision process for students to follow to revise their essays.

Step 1: Check Transitions

• Underline places where ideas feel disconnected.

• Make sure the relationships between claims, evidence, and reasoning are clear.

• Add or revise transitions to clearly show the following connections between ideas:

  • cause and effect (as a result, therefore)

  • contrast (however, although)

  • addition (in addition, furthermore)

Step 2: Improve Sentence Flow

• Combine short, choppy sentences where needed.

• Use transitions within sentences, not just at the beginning.

Step 3: Revise for Formal Style

• Replace informal phrases (e.g., I think, a lot, stuff).

• Remove contractions (e.g., don’t → do not).

• Use precise academic language (e.g., This demonstrates…).

• Use vocabulary learned throughout the unit.

Step 4: Strengthen Clarity of Ideas

• Make sure each sentence clearly connects to your claim.

• Remove repeated or unnecessary ideas.

• Revise any place where evidence is included but not fully explained.

• Ensure reasoning clearly explains how the evidence supports your claim.

• Say: As you revise, make at least one specific improvement in each category: transitions, sentence flow, formal style, and clarity of ideas. Focus on making your writing clear, connected, and formal—not longer.

Provide time for students to revise their argument essays.

Teacher Guidance: Support Student Self-Assessment and Revision

• As students begin revising, direct them to pause after Steps 1 and 2 and briefly self-assess which revision category is currently strongest in their draft and which still needs the most attention.

• Encourage students to name one short-term revision goal they can complete during this work time, such as adding clearer cause-and-effect transitions in one body paragraph or revising two informal phrases into formal academic language.

• When conferring, avoid immediately naming the revision for students. First ask: What are you noticing in your own writing right now? and Which category should you work on next? This supports students in taking responsibility for identifying their own next steps.

• Reinforce growth by helping students compare the current draft to an earlier version and name a specific improvement they have already made. This helps students see revision as progress they can monitor, not just correction from the teacher.

• If students are unsure how to judge their work, point them back to the four revision categories and prompt them to use that language in their self-assessment: transitions, sentence flow, formal style, and clarity of ideas.

Provide students with a confidence continuum (i.e., 1–5). As needed, model how to demonstrate a level of confidence using the continuum.

Part B: Peer Feedback (W.8.1.a-e, W.8.5) (10 minutes)

Students will now engage in peer feedback to receive guidance on their argument writing revisions.

Peer Review Protocol

Organize students into pairs to engage in peer feedback.

• Say: Today, your feedback must focus on improving:

  • how ideas connect (transitions)

  • how formal the writing sounds (style)

  • how clearly the argument is expressed (clarity and reasoning)

  • how the vocabulary from the unit is integrated into the essay

Say these Directions: Exchange your revised essay with a partner. Read it once for understanding, and then read it again to give specific feedback using the checklist displayed.

Display the following Peer Review Checklist.

Peer Review Checklist

Provide students with time to give each other peer feedback.

• Say: Give your partner:

  • One glow (specific strength): “One place your writing is clear and effective is…”

  • One grow (specific revision suggestion): “One place you can improve clarity or flow is…”

  • One fix (direct action): “You could revise this sentence by…”

• Say: After receiving feedback, revise at least one part of your paragraph. Make at least one specific improvement to transitions, one to formal style, or one to clarity and reasoning.

Provide students with time to revise their essays based on peer feedback.

Quick Write

Say these Directions: Review your essay alongside the Unit 8.2 Performance Task Rubric and the feedback you received from your partner.

Write 2–3 sentences responding to the following:

• What is one strength in your essay?

• What is one specific area you need to improve?

• What is one concrete revision you will make next?

Revise your essay based on this lesson’s work and come ready to finalize your essay in the following lesson.